I call it 'guaranteed third-wheel syndrome'. This is a thing that happens to the single friends of newly married couples, particularly long-time friends of one of the partners. Prior to the marriage, these friends think of the newly acquired romantic interest as a neat, if likely short-lived, pet, and comfort themselves knowing that they've seen this before - they were here before, after all, and will likely be here long after. About the time that long-time friend is picking up a groomsman's tux or being fitted for a bridesmaid's dress, the syndrome begins to take effect. Yes, they heard you say how "this time it's different" but they'd heard that one before, only this time it would appear that things actually are different. By the time you've returned from your honeymoon and then proceeded to have as little contact with outside world as possible for the next 6 months, they've figured out that they will now be a permanent third-wheel whenever hanging out with you and have likely moved on to greener, more single-friendly pastures.
At that same 6 month time frame, you and your new spouse suddenly realize that you miss having contact with the outside world, that you miss having people around that you're not married to. Unfortunately, all your single friends have fled, but oddly enough, several other married couples have issued invitations to come over for dinner. Seeing no harm in meeting some new friends, particularly those who have experience with the greatest new thing in your live, and having no real alternative, you embark upon the perilous trail of.... The Couples' Date.
This isn't your double date from high school, Slappy. There will be no going to the movies our out to dinner - young married couples are poor. Pasta and conversation are on the menu for tonight, for one is cheap and the other is free, and if you're lucky, there will be a non-controversial board game. One game of the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" board game will have you begging, with tears in your eyes, for Boggle, Bananagrams, or even Candyland.
Keep in mind, surviving these initial encounters is an art form. Eventually, these types of things can form profoundly strong bonds, strong enough that Steph and I routinely muse over the loss of our old couple friends back in Colorado. Initially though, survival is key. Do take note of the following:
1. If the couple you're visiting has a new baby, you will be expected to hold it. It's priceless, fragile, deeply loved, and it squirms, and they want you to hold it. God knows why. It's possible they believe you'll get the baby's scent in your nose and you too will come to the realization that your life will be forever incomplete without one. Perhaps it's just nice to have someone to pawn the kid off on while they try to remember what it felt like being free.
2. Regardless of the intent, there are some things to remember while holding that bundle of joy: If held long enough, it will either spew forth from one end or the other, or turn into a giant muscle and lunge for something that is not a toy, and typically dangerous. It's best to pass on that hot potato at the earliest possible opportunity, because yakked up formula stains and that sharp object sitting nearby is quite shiny and will attract the baby's attention sooner rather than later.
3. If your wife set this up, and it's quite likely she did (at least if you're me) it's likely that she'll have set it up with someone from work, and at some point she and the co-worker will begin talking shop and you'll be left with someone you've known for less than an hour to try to figure out something to talk about. Do your prep-work prior to this moment, find out something you can both comfortably discuss before your wife and his pair-off, and don't forget to thank me afterward.
4. It's perfectly fine to discuss the weather. It seems trite, but you're trying to survive, not solve the world's problems. Politics and religion can wait indefinitely. Work is always a solid topic, especially silly things about work.
Keep these in mind, and good luck.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
My Day in a Nutshell
Wake up after ~6 hours of sleep with a bladder that feels the size of a fitness ball. Try to ignore it, fail utterly. Go to the bathroom, attempt to go back to sleep, fail utterly a second time. That's right kids, I fail more before 9am than most people do all day. Eat cereal while watching NFLAM on the NFL Network. Giggle each time they call Eric Davis "E.D." and hope they've nicknamed his wife, assuming he has one, "Blue Bomber". Get dressed, consider studying, reject it on the grounds of not yet being awake. Consider drinking coffee, reject it as well based on how it seldom actually wakes me up and that I don't feel like spending the next 6 hours running to the bathroom every 20 minutes. Play some Freecell and listen to music instead for the next 10 minutes. Set up study area. Stare at study area. Pace around the apartment mulling over a massive social issue. Solve social issue. Stare at study area again.
Concede defeat, begin studying. Get mad at author for spending multiple pages on a topic then mentioning, at the end of the section, that this technology is no longer used, nor is it on the test. Pace around the apartment again, resume studying. Become angry with the test wanting to me know things I simply won't do, like monitor repair, given that I don't feel like electrocuting myself. Pace more, consider having lunch. Look in the fridge, conclude that I'm not certain when any of the leftovers were put in there but decide that it wasn't this week. Consider having a sandwich, then notice we're out of bread. Weep quietly in a corner.
Repeat earlier studying practices of actually studying, becoming angry, pacing, and studying some more. Recall father-in-law's admonition that having this certification won't get me anywhere. Hope wife gets home soon before the allure of the train tracks becomes overwhelming. Steph gets home, greet her at the door like an over-enthusiastic puppy. Try not to read too much into it when she says, "Hi honey," with a look that all too clearly tells me she's wondering if my cheese has finally slipped off my cracker. Listen to stories about Steph's day, offer her the use of my weeping corner. Impatiently wait for her to finish using the weeping corner. Have dinner while watching a funny show. We recently finished with all 9 seasons of "Scrubs" and have moved on to "The Big Bang Theory". Feel better about our lives based on how tough television nerds have it too.
Steph goes off to grade papers, write lesson plans, and do whatever it is people do on Pinterest. I go back to studying, with frequent pacing breaks, only now I can rant to Steph about how angry the test/book/author make me and no longer need to use my weeping corner. See Steph off to bed, listening to her guilt inspiring laments as I remain awake. Answer Dad's nightly call. Discuss football, politics, football, current events, football, and sometimes relationships. I try to keep the relationship talk to a minimum, as getting relationship advice from my dad is bit like getting advice on produce from Gallagher. Sure, they have a wealth of experience, but I'm really not a fan of the approach. My parents' marriage is a bit like the sun, we all know it could explode any moment, but it seems like it will just continue giving us cancer for the time being.
Check the apartment for intruders as the house creaks in the night silence. Become increasingly paranoid. Head to bed. This is the cat's cue to hop off the bed and go grab some food. Start falling asleep. This is the cat's cue to hop in the litter box, which is lined with silicate litter instead of traditional sand stuff, and sounds like a foot-shuffler walking through loose gravel when she uses it. Try to ignore it. Fail. Listen as the cat spends the next few minutes attempting to remove the crystals from her paws by rubbing them on any available surface with preference given to those that are loud. Fall asleep, looking forward to doing it all again the next day.
Concede defeat, begin studying. Get mad at author for spending multiple pages on a topic then mentioning, at the end of the section, that this technology is no longer used, nor is it on the test. Pace around the apartment again, resume studying. Become angry with the test wanting to me know things I simply won't do, like monitor repair, given that I don't feel like electrocuting myself. Pace more, consider having lunch. Look in the fridge, conclude that I'm not certain when any of the leftovers were put in there but decide that it wasn't this week. Consider having a sandwich, then notice we're out of bread. Weep quietly in a corner.
Repeat earlier studying practices of actually studying, becoming angry, pacing, and studying some more. Recall father-in-law's admonition that having this certification won't get me anywhere. Hope wife gets home soon before the allure of the train tracks becomes overwhelming. Steph gets home, greet her at the door like an over-enthusiastic puppy. Try not to read too much into it when she says, "Hi honey," with a look that all too clearly tells me she's wondering if my cheese has finally slipped off my cracker. Listen to stories about Steph's day, offer her the use of my weeping corner. Impatiently wait for her to finish using the weeping corner. Have dinner while watching a funny show. We recently finished with all 9 seasons of "Scrubs" and have moved on to "The Big Bang Theory". Feel better about our lives based on how tough television nerds have it too.
Steph goes off to grade papers, write lesson plans, and do whatever it is people do on Pinterest. I go back to studying, with frequent pacing breaks, only now I can rant to Steph about how angry the test/book/author make me and no longer need to use my weeping corner. See Steph off to bed, listening to her guilt inspiring laments as I remain awake. Answer Dad's nightly call. Discuss football, politics, football, current events, football, and sometimes relationships. I try to keep the relationship talk to a minimum, as getting relationship advice from my dad is bit like getting advice on produce from Gallagher. Sure, they have a wealth of experience, but I'm really not a fan of the approach. My parents' marriage is a bit like the sun, we all know it could explode any moment, but it seems like it will just continue giving us cancer for the time being.
Check the apartment for intruders as the house creaks in the night silence. Become increasingly paranoid. Head to bed. This is the cat's cue to hop off the bed and go grab some food. Start falling asleep. This is the cat's cue to hop in the litter box, which is lined with silicate litter instead of traditional sand stuff, and sounds like a foot-shuffler walking through loose gravel when she uses it. Try to ignore it. Fail. Listen as the cat spends the next few minutes attempting to remove the crystals from her paws by rubbing them on any available surface with preference given to those that are loud. Fall asleep, looking forward to doing it all again the next day.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Sorry for slacking
Phil and I were knocked out by our first round of Vermont cold/flu. I blame my students for being disgusting carriers of disease and angst. (Thankfully, the angst is not contagious.) We are feeling better now and settling back into routine.
Fall is beautiful here! There are trees everywhere, and they are in various autumnal stages. The color "peak'" was a couple weeks ago, but there are still vibrant colors around. Phil and I went for an exploratory drive through some of the back roads and were very impressed. We also noted that the surrounding towns are really nice and cute despite looking sketchy from the highway. Alas, when we explored Richford, it was sketchy throughout. We tried really hard not to live in this town, but small towns do not offer a wide selection of rental houses. Someday really soon, we're going to live in a wonderful small town with happy smiley people.
I went to the doctor this week to update a prescription, and during that appointment, he told me all about Mother Nature and his philosophy on the purpose of life (to procreate). This was in response to a note on my chart about taking ibuprofen for headaches. He then asked me about my job at the school. I had a really crappy week, but he was determined to fix it. I got a fifteen minute lecture on how to run my classroom. Awesome. (It gets better.) I had a question about my birth control, and in response, he told me I should just get pregnant so I wouldn't have to worry about it and followed up with a continuation of his life philosophy. He kept bringing up age and how people should have children young because that's what he and his wife did, and it's worked out well for them. Twenty-six is the new forty-five in regards to birthing children. Where was I when this announcement was made?
Mom and Dad are coming this weekend, so yay for family, leaf peeping, and fresh cider with doughnuts!
Fall is beautiful here! There are trees everywhere, and they are in various autumnal stages. The color "peak'" was a couple weeks ago, but there are still vibrant colors around. Phil and I went for an exploratory drive through some of the back roads and were very impressed. We also noted that the surrounding towns are really nice and cute despite looking sketchy from the highway. Alas, when we explored Richford, it was sketchy throughout. We tried really hard not to live in this town, but small towns do not offer a wide selection of rental houses. Someday really soon, we're going to live in a wonderful small town with happy smiley people.
I went to the doctor this week to update a prescription, and during that appointment, he told me all about Mother Nature and his philosophy on the purpose of life (to procreate). This was in response to a note on my chart about taking ibuprofen for headaches. He then asked me about my job at the school. I had a really crappy week, but he was determined to fix it. I got a fifteen minute lecture on how to run my classroom. Awesome. (It gets better.) I had a question about my birth control, and in response, he told me I should just get pregnant so I wouldn't have to worry about it and followed up with a continuation of his life philosophy. He kept bringing up age and how people should have children young because that's what he and his wife did, and it's worked out well for them. Twenty-six is the new forty-five in regards to birthing children. Where was I when this announcement was made?
Mom and Dad are coming this weekend, so yay for family, leaf peeping, and fresh cider with doughnuts!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
As I Avoid Studying...
Steph is on the phone with her sister right now reminiscing about playing "Boxcar Children". I laud them for the effort of at least going with the original book and roughing it as opposed to solving mysteries while living with Daddy Warbucks.
When did # become hashtag instead of pound sign? Not this £ sign (alt + 0163) but this one #. Really. Is this all Twitter's doing? In the future, when dealing with automated call centers, will he have to press hashtag on our phones instead of pound once we enter in our sensitive information? When stores have 3# of apples on sale, do our youth feel that the store owners are foolishly putting the hashtag in the wrong place if they want people to visit their twitter site? Will the @ sign be next??? Seriously though, it's a pound sign.
On the note of politics... nah, just kidding.
I felt stupid earlier. I was talking to my neighbors this morning, and they were telling me how they hoped some geese would get here soon because they like eating goose, I guess, or at least shooting them. I mentioned that I thought I'd heard one yesterday, at which point one of my neighbors pulled out a goose call and said he'd been practicing yesterday. Wheeee!
And seriously, what on earth is up with people typing 'would of' instead of 'would've'? Have we regressed so far in our own language that we no longer understand the difference between 'of' and a conjunction meaning 'have'? It's not even a space saver, like shortening 'you're' to 'your' (couldn't help it) or 'ur'.
Steph says I'm becoming a crotchety old man and says she looks forward to the day when we have a lawn so I can shake my fist as I tell people to stay off it.
I should probably get back to studying. I say 'probably' to make myself feel better about it, like it's optional. Remember kids, it's stands for it is, and its is possessive. On the note of studying, they've updated the test so I've had to speed up my studying, lest they change over and a great deal of my studying is for naught.
When did # become hashtag instead of pound sign? Not this £ sign (alt + 0163) but this one #. Really. Is this all Twitter's doing? In the future, when dealing with automated call centers, will he have to press hashtag on our phones instead of pound once we enter in our sensitive information? When stores have 3# of apples on sale, do our youth feel that the store owners are foolishly putting the hashtag in the wrong place if they want people to visit their twitter site? Will the @ sign be next??? Seriously though, it's a pound sign.
On the note of politics... nah, just kidding.
I felt stupid earlier. I was talking to my neighbors this morning, and they were telling me how they hoped some geese would get here soon because they like eating goose, I guess, or at least shooting them. I mentioned that I thought I'd heard one yesterday, at which point one of my neighbors pulled out a goose call and said he'd been practicing yesterday. Wheeee!
And seriously, what on earth is up with people typing 'would of' instead of 'would've'? Have we regressed so far in our own language that we no longer understand the difference between 'of' and a conjunction meaning 'have'? It's not even a space saver, like shortening 'you're' to 'your' (couldn't help it) or 'ur'.
Steph says I'm becoming a crotchety old man and says she looks forward to the day when we have a lawn so I can shake my fist as I tell people to stay off it.
I should probably get back to studying. I say 'probably' to make myself feel better about it, like it's optional. Remember kids, it's stands for it is, and its is possessive. On the note of studying, they've updated the test so I've had to speed up my studying, lest they change over and a great deal of my studying is for naught.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Pictures
Here is a sampling of pictures off my camera. Hopefully, next weekend we can go out with our nice camera and Phil can take some better pictures of our area. Our apartment is messy at the moment, so those pictures will be coming in the future.
Moving
Moving
Lucy was not very helpful during our packing endeavors.
Our stuff. I intended to take a picture of just my school boxes and just our house stuff. I thought it would be interesting to see the comparison because I had a lot of boxes of books and materials. Enough to fill the back of Mom's Yukon. However, moving is crazy and these are the only pile pictures we took.
Lake Champlain
We took these crossing the bridge from New York into Vermont. This is Lake Champlain near Swanton, VT. I forget what the town in New York is called, but it is super cute.
Phil
This was Phil's first shower experience in our apartment and it was too funny not to take a picture of. We have a huge clawfoot tub that we have to step up into. This extra height combined with a very low shower curtain made for an interesting experience for Phil. He practically had to bend in half to get under the shower head. (I'm just now realizing that this is a really long caption of Phil in the shower. Sorry. I do want to add that the ceiling has been redone. It looks pretty sketchy here. We also lost the dolphins and got a better shower head. Moving on now.)
Ben & Jerry's
We were told by several people about the Ben & Jerry's Flavor Graveyard. Ta-da. It was pretty funny.
Ben & Jerry's- It's entertaining for families.
Today
It was fall today. We had rain last night and a bit of drizzle today, so everything was extra green. I stopped on my way to the grocery store to take these pictures for you. Enjoy.
This last one is of our backyard. The previous two are across the street. That was all I got before Phil got to the door with arms full of groceries.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Umm...
I sat down to write an inspired post, but I'm not sure how to follow Phil's.
I'll start with the fact that he is now 31. :) He still hasn't received his gift from me (I have a difficult time planning ahead in my personal life), but he did get several lovely cards and a pair of reading glasses from my mom. This just in- my mom's hilarious. We celebrated with birthday cake after Open House at school and had a birthday dinner of Chinese take-out this weekend. Happy birthday indeed!
School has started. Tomorrow will be the beginning of the first full week of school. Last week, we had a four day week and our first week was only three days. The school climate is very different than West Grand, and based on my students' behavior, listening in class has not been a huge priority. In an attempt to create a more positive school environment, we are implementing Responsive Classroom practices. The basic belief of this philosophy is having a positive classroom community will result in fewer misbehaviors. Which I agree with, but...there are two sides to every classroom management system: positive and negative reinforcement. Responsive Classroom doesn't really have either. So, I'm mixing in my own management style with elements of RC. I am stuck with giving time outs to my 5th and 6th grade students which makes me feel stupid and is a giant waste of time, but my kids are earning marbles for positive behavior. When they've earned enough marbles to fill an empty pasta sauce jar, we'll have a mini-celebration for the class. One RC practice that I do like is Morning Meeting. Every morning, we circle up as a class. There is a greeting for every student, an activity, and a message from me preping them for the day. On Thursday, we did an E.T. greeting. I showed the kids a movie clip showing E.T.'s glowing finger, and instead of a hand-shake or high-five, we touched "glowing" fingers. Confession: I've never actually seen E.T.
Because not all of you lovely readers are teachers, I will stop rambling and give some basic facts about school. Then I'll be done for a while.
1. My room is still a horrid shade of orange. I've covered as much as I could with bright orange, blue, and zebra print.
2. I have 17 kids in my homeroom class of 5th and 6th graders. In the afternoon, I have 20 6th graders for math. I like my mornings better.
3. There are 3 other 5/6 teachers and after a literacy meeting on Friday, they are starting to realize that I know quite a bit about teaching reading.
4. I don't yet know quite a bit about teaching 6th grade math. Can anyone please tell me a real life example of dividing a fraction by a fraction or a decimal by a decimal? Seriously, please help me out here.
5. One of the 6th grade boys got stuck in the baby swing on the playground while I was on duty. I didn't laugh until after I sent him to time out.
6. School starts at 8:00- sort of. Kids can eat breakfast until 8:15, so I really don't know when I'm supposed to start my day.
7. School ends at 2:45. Thankfully they've started ringing a bell at this time. My classroom clock is about 5 minutes fast and the first couple days were pretty confusing.
8. On the first day of school, our new art teacher played the bagpipes as kids were entering the building. It was pretty sweet.
9. Our school website is Richfordk6.net if you are interested in learning more about the Richford Rattlesnakes.
10. Open House was Thursday, and I had one of the few not awkward experiences of the evening. Apparently teaching a class full of odd ducks for the past four years has desensitized me to awkward situations. I feel that's an excellent life skill.
I'll start with the fact that he is now 31. :) He still hasn't received his gift from me (I have a difficult time planning ahead in my personal life), but he did get several lovely cards and a pair of reading glasses from my mom. This just in- my mom's hilarious. We celebrated with birthday cake after Open House at school and had a birthday dinner of Chinese take-out this weekend. Happy birthday indeed!
School has started. Tomorrow will be the beginning of the first full week of school. Last week, we had a four day week and our first week was only three days. The school climate is very different than West Grand, and based on my students' behavior, listening in class has not been a huge priority. In an attempt to create a more positive school environment, we are implementing Responsive Classroom practices. The basic belief of this philosophy is having a positive classroom community will result in fewer misbehaviors. Which I agree with, but...there are two sides to every classroom management system: positive and negative reinforcement. Responsive Classroom doesn't really have either. So, I'm mixing in my own management style with elements of RC. I am stuck with giving time outs to my 5th and 6th grade students which makes me feel stupid and is a giant waste of time, but my kids are earning marbles for positive behavior. When they've earned enough marbles to fill an empty pasta sauce jar, we'll have a mini-celebration for the class. One RC practice that I do like is Morning Meeting. Every morning, we circle up as a class. There is a greeting for every student, an activity, and a message from me preping them for the day. On Thursday, we did an E.T. greeting. I showed the kids a movie clip showing E.T.'s glowing finger, and instead of a hand-shake or high-five, we touched "glowing" fingers. Confession: I've never actually seen E.T.
Because not all of you lovely readers are teachers, I will stop rambling and give some basic facts about school. Then I'll be done for a while.
1. My room is still a horrid shade of orange. I've covered as much as I could with bright orange, blue, and zebra print.
2. I have 17 kids in my homeroom class of 5th and 6th graders. In the afternoon, I have 20 6th graders for math. I like my mornings better.
3. There are 3 other 5/6 teachers and after a literacy meeting on Friday, they are starting to realize that I know quite a bit about teaching reading.
4. I don't yet know quite a bit about teaching 6th grade math. Can anyone please tell me a real life example of dividing a fraction by a fraction or a decimal by a decimal? Seriously, please help me out here.
5. One of the 6th grade boys got stuck in the baby swing on the playground while I was on duty. I didn't laugh until after I sent him to time out.
6. School starts at 8:00- sort of. Kids can eat breakfast until 8:15, so I really don't know when I'm supposed to start my day.
7. School ends at 2:45. Thankfully they've started ringing a bell at this time. My classroom clock is about 5 minutes fast and the first couple days were pretty confusing.
8. On the first day of school, our new art teacher played the bagpipes as kids were entering the building. It was pretty sweet.
9. Our school website is Richfordk6.net if you are interested in learning more about the Richford Rattlesnakes.
10. Open House was Thursday, and I had one of the few not awkward experiences of the evening. Apparently teaching a class full of odd ducks for the past four years has desensitized me to awkward situations. I feel that's an excellent life skill.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Another post that could be but really isn't about anything
Motivated self-starter. The iconic resume` cliche. I've never given much thought to the phrase beyond concluding that it doesn't apply to me. I seldom feel motivated beyond fulfilling certain biological imperatives, and for whatever reason, perhaps some integrity I stumbled upon, I don't feel that an urgent need to empty my bladder that will inevitably occur during my time in a company's employ warrants its use in my resume. Do motivated people feel the same way about their job that I feel about eating pizza? It could just be the work I've done, of course. Getting told that a kid has recently ejected his or her half digested lunch all over a bathroom doesn't fill one with the kind of verve that pizza does, even if that recently rejected lunch was in fact pizza. And what exactly is a self-starter? Does that mean you don't need to be told what to do until you do something? Would the opposite of a self starter be considered a disability that could be classified as 'work blindness'? Is simply being motivated but not a self-starter mean that you're like one of those automated vacuum cleaners wedged in a corner, desperate to do work but lacking the AI to prise yourself from that dark juxtaposition of two non-parallel surfaces? Oh dear, it appears I've made the descent into sarcasm-land yet again.
Really though, am I alone in my feeling that the phrase doesn't apply to me despite my motivation to continue breathing and my ability to not only spot work that needs to be done, but to then do it without being told? Sure I have my problems, my need to pause television programs during awkward moments is quite painful for my wife, and my propensity to seldom address topics in a serious fashion has been viewed with disdain often enough throughout my life that I'm tempted to view it as a character flaw rather than a quirk people simply need to accept. But it's okay, because over the last two paragraphs I've convinced myself that I really am a motivated self-starter.
In other notes, a big congratulations are in order for Alex and Jantrey who tied the knot this past Friday. Way to go guys, it's an epic adventure.
Alright, my fantasy football draft starts in 25 minutes and I'm officially motivated to show up and self start by drafting a player... when the program tells me I can, of course.
Really though, am I alone in my feeling that the phrase doesn't apply to me despite my motivation to continue breathing and my ability to not only spot work that needs to be done, but to then do it without being told? Sure I have my problems, my need to pause television programs during awkward moments is quite painful for my wife, and my propensity to seldom address topics in a serious fashion has been viewed with disdain often enough throughout my life that I'm tempted to view it as a character flaw rather than a quirk people simply need to accept. But it's okay, because over the last two paragraphs I've convinced myself that I really am a motivated self-starter.
In other notes, a big congratulations are in order for Alex and Jantrey who tied the knot this past Friday. Way to go guys, it's an epic adventure.
Alright, my fantasy football draft starts in 25 minutes and I'm officially motivated to show up and self start by drafting a player... when the program tells me I can, of course.
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